Theme Music

Just one of those days....Needed this one

There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black cat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag-pole rag and the wind won't stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

In the Rapture

I have been your best friend in the past
Now I feel we won't outlast the trash
Garbage and frustration we share together
Even in this weather we need sweaters
To fend and fight off the days of tears
To all of our peers it appears perfect
But behind close doors we don't deserve this
We should have never broken apart
But I was chasing my heart and that art
Is where the best things were to start
The seas could part and when they combine
I'll just push in your behind, I'm lying
I say things in anger cause that hides crying
Combining with the mind and I'm flying
To a better place with a better pace
Where you find the Jokers there's an Ace
Love bugs run through our veins and
that disillusions us to stay the same
So I refrain from the claim that we ain't
Instead I accept the fact that can't...damn

----------------
Now playing: The Isley Brothers - Make Me Say It Again Girl, Pts. 1 & 2

See ME in my nightmares (Again)

Some songs speak to the heart, this one speaks to the soul...

I'm cold, I'm cold, I'm cold

[LIL WAYNE RAP]

yeah...yeah...

I got the right to put up a fight but not quite

Could you cut up my light

but my sight is better tonight

and I might see you in my nightmares

Ohhh..how do you get there?

Because we were once a fairytale but this is farewell...yeah

VERSE #1

I got my life and it's my only one

I got the light, I'm runnin from the sun

So goodnight, I made it out the door...door..door.. .door...door

After tonight, there will be no return

After tonight, I'm taking off on the road...I'm taking off on the road

And that you know

HOOK

And that you know..tell everybody that you know

that I don't love you no more and that's one thing that you know...that you know

VERSE #2

Okay, I'm back up on my grind

You do you and I'm just gon' do mine

You do you 'cuz I'm just gon' be fine

Ok-ay, I got you out my mind

and the night is young but dreams is cold

The stars is up, I'm ready to go

You always thought I was always wrong

Well, now you know, tell everybody(everybody) that you know

Tell everybody that you know that I don't love you no more and that's one thing that you know...that you know

[Hook]

yeah...yeah...I got the right to put up a fight but not quite

Could you cut up my light but my sight is better tonight and

I might see you in my nightmares

Ohhh..how do you get there?

Because we were once a fairytale but this is farewell...yeah

[Lil Wayne's Verse]

Baby girl, I'm finished

I thought we were committed

I thought we were in it

I only thought we just meant it

but now we just repented

and now we just resented

The clouds is in my vision

Look at how that I be gettin in it

and it's all because of you

Girl, we through

You think your shit don't stink but you are Mrs. Pee-uuu

and I don't see you but me and tell everybody that you know...that you know

HOOK

That you know..tell everybody that you know

that I don't love you no more and that's one thing that you know...that you know

That you know..tell everybody that you know

that I don't love you no more and that's one thing that you know...that you know

Moments

Help Someone Else...You never know when that might be you in that position!

One of those days

My Justice

I don't usually complain about too much, but today is my son's 6th birthday and I haven't seen him since November 23, 2005. Today freakin sucks!!! I'm just trying to make it through the day without crying.
(See you soon baby boy)

[Preface] My Life Story...

This has been the greatest struggle in my life. I have cheated on every relationship I have ever been in. I am a product of my failures and I hope that my apologies could fix the mistakes I have made in my past.

My daddy made no excuse
I believe my lies are truth
Why won't you eat what you are fed
Cause when I touch myself I think of only you
And when I touch someone else

No one is faithful I am weak
I'll go astray
Forgive me for my ways

I hear voices and I can't stand to be alone
'Cause emptiness is all I have ever known
Soiled by my lust I feel no shame
No longer forsaken when they call my name
Beautiful angels come to my bed
I am satisfied on their flesh I have fed

No one is faithful I am weak
I'll go astray
Forgive me for my ways

Coldheart Criminal

BlhackMoon

She missed a moment with me when I opened up myself

Too busy focusing her attention on herself and her wealth

Wondering why I don't want to return to the inferno with hoes

I don't care about the clothes, toes, and the things you know

Honestly, most pose as friends when they were honestly foes

I am the truth with undivided attention on success

While boys are impressed with her face and breast

I have to admit, I find both of them to be useless

You can see my life story tatted in my flesh

She telling me I'm useless cause I dream to be righteous

Why date her...I rather leave her in control of nothing

You can think about it...come back and see if I'm bluffin

The fact that I thought you were more than shit

It's only after being with you, I can admit this!

Breaking the cycle

Justice Thomson

For a couple of years, I have become a cold-hearted person. Much of it is because I hide the pain of my experiences in the past and I choose not to make myself vulnerable in a world that seems to takes its enjoyment out of ruining the rest of the planet. I tried in the past to be a positive person, but how could you fix a problem that you choose to hide from the rest of the world. Therefore, I guess I will show my problem to the whole world in hopes that it could fix my situations. On November 24, 2003, his mother took my son from his daycare. She not only had taken him without my consent, but she decided to take him to another country. In some case dudes, neglect the fact of raising their children. However, I had not only raised my son...and when I say raised I mean that I had taken him to and from school every day. I spent every minute and dollar to provide a better lifestyle for him. At a point where I was dealing with several women, I developed a stable environment so that he could flourish in a beautiful human. Even though that is not what I wanted at the time. I decided, with no regrets, to put my life on hold so that I could create the best life for him and that was all snatched from me. When this occurred, I spent over 6 months using the "legal" system to “help” me. They did nothing but ridicule me for being a father that wanted to raise his child. The judges that I encountered neglected to see the urgency of my problem and even went as far as to allow her to leave the country even after they were notified that she had taken him unjustly. A deceitful and destructive woman snatched power and I felt I was given the only option I knew to escape the problem...sex, sex, sex. The same thing that led to the problem was the only escape that I could think of in this situation. I fucked until I could not...but what ended up happening is I harden up to relationships and feelings. I have met many of the greatest women a man could meet and couldn't feel anything because I was so hardened. There were even several occasions where women have cried their hearts out, and I stared at them as if they were nothing to me. Too cold to even acknowledge their tears. Not because I truly viewed them in a negative light, but the fact is that, I felt I could not be emotional, because I know the after effects of having emotions. I have even lost relationships to my cold heart. I want to change those qualities about myself, but it is hard when you have been hurt and enraged for sooooooooo long. I have prayed that I will find the peace that will heal my soul, because I cannot continue like this…

Linkin Park- My December

Blink

The Honorable Sylvester Holloway

Tell them I love you today, because tomorrow is not promised.

Why?

Catherine Komp

Today, I received that phone call I never want to receive from anyone. Years ago, I taught in a middle school in one of the worst parts of America. My students lived in a third world country right inside the borders of country that feels it needs to "liberate" everyone else and enslave its own. In my first two years, I had six pregnancies, 2 killings, and numerous wars within my school. It is hard to be a great teacher when you know that your kids worry about eating that evening. In the midst of all those kids I had very few who were motivated and impacted by the power of education. Out of that small percentage, I receive a phone call from one of those kids crying hysterically. In the midst of the crying, I found out that one of my student's lost his mother to a vicious murder. I am attaching the link to the article if you would like to read more about the savage shit that occurs every day in America.

http://wjz.com/local/robber.stabbing.2.775742.html

I do not know what is wrong with this country. I would write more about this, but I cannot hold back the tears, so please send your condolences to the family and watch your back. Cause this country is toilet and its only due time before God flushes.

RIP Elizabeth Queensbury

(A moment of silence)

Brutal Honesty

Ashlee Desire

For my birthday I wrote myself a letter and I was very serious with myself. I wanted to share this you young world, because we make mistakes and don't learn from them. It had taken a day like today for me to realize how much I needed to change. I have been working on me for quite a while. This blog is helping to me to make that change...one day at a time!

Happy Birthday to me...yesterday I was in a funk. Not because I have become 2* which is a great accomplishment (where I'm from)! But for the fact that I am still caught in the web: women. I deleted numbers galore and here comes another. Yeah I know I don't need to talk to them or entertain the energy, but for some weak reason I still do it. Is it me trying to prove something? Is it an insecurity? Is it just childish behavior? Either way it still affect 50% of the shit I do...sad to say. The other 50% is trying to make life better for my family. Since its my birthday I feel I need to get a couple of things off my chest. First, being 2* feels great. At 17 I was told that I wouldn't be shit (I was event expected to be in jail before my 18th birthday). I was so dedicated to change that I carved the word "PERFECT" in my arm because all I wanted to be is perfect. After years of successes and failures, I am feeling better about where I am, I know I still have far to go. God has made foot prints in the sand, and all I have to do is walk in them. Next, I wonder what the f*ck am I doing with these women? It's crazy to me...I can talk on the phone with one every single day and then tomorrow I could careless if I see or hear from her again. I wonder if it me being in competition with my dudes? Am I trying to prove something to myself? Am I a misogynists? I wondering about this a lot because I know that I am unhappy with the constant chase (of nu nu). Even more so, I'm tired of settling for less than I deserve. I have the best woman a man could have...she is smart, driven, beautiful, community center, family loving, supportive, and strong. I could see myself marrying her when I'm ready to get married. But I still have this demons that haunt my soul. I had a nightmare last night that she caught me with someone I could careless about. She and I have cried and promised and cried and promised and cried...and still I at it again. I really feel Me'shell NdegeOchello when she said "I have never been faithful to anyone except God." Cause I have been the same way. All of my relationship i have cheated. In most cases, I cheated when the relationship began to fall apart, but still I have cheated. I hope that my existence is not consumed by this one thing...I deserve more than that for myself. Lastly, this upcoming year. This year is going to be about achieving my dream. Financial freedom, and cutting back on all my addictions. I am closer to both. I know that I am outgrowing my old habits, but at times I feel like I am back to my old habits. The following things I need to incorporate in my life so that I could achieve greatness.
1. Consistency in everything (checking)
2. Exercise (check)
3. Save money (check)
4. Cut the fat- everyone is not your friend (checking)
5. Control yourself! It will be there tomorrow! (check)

I Swear...

Damn, today seems to be the day that the universe is going to build a stronger and better me, because if it is not trying to break me then I don't know what the hell is going on. I have recently left the profession I have had for the last 5 years of my life. I left education because I truly didn't enjoy the system that was created to educate our youth. I was an excellent facilitator of economics and business, but I lack the passion to teach information I felt was pertinent to the growth of our youth. How could you raise better humans when you are only teaching them how to past a scholastic test? Where do you use the number 2 pencil in the real world? Where is the passion of education when I only teach you what I was told to teach? The students and I have both agreed that the education system is no longer educating the child, it's developing criminals and drones. So I choose to be a man of action and words and moved on from that career path. However through the transition everything has seem to take an alternative route. I left with the expectation that I would make money through the summer so I could dedicate my energy and intelligence to my other endeavours, but today I found out that my summer paycheck has come and gone. I ended back up at the beginning of journey to the city I live in. I came with little money and nothing and now I stand here with little money and nothing. Where do we go? What will I do? I'm at the crossroads looking for the right direction to turn...let's see what life has for me in this journey.
boomp3.com

Nooner

The beautiful Coretta Scott King

Caught a jewel today...
In a conversation with one of my closest friends, she explains to me that "all people want in their lives is to be loved and accepted." I pondered on that expression cause I am sitting here feeling disconnected from love and acceptance. Lately my attitude has been damn near erratic at times. One minute I want to be around someone, the next minute I could live on a destitute island with my IPod. I thought about the last time I felt love. I have to say it was when my son (which few people know the story about) was in my arms. I remember the last day I saw his eyes and kissed his face. The smile it brought when I held his perfect hands and laughed at his endless smile. When days were rough he was my peace and justice in a world of the insane. However, his moms decided to take him and run off into the dark. (I love how the legal system of America will take the mother's perspective regardless if it doesn't fit her character.) Since then I feel there is no need to love right now. Instead if I take the Jay Z philosophy of "keeping my both of my heads where they are suppose to be" then I will be "ok". So at this time, I take in the fact that anyone could do anything at anytime...and work til I find my justice and peace.