She loves me...NOT?

Scout Tufankjian

I have recently begun talking to my ex-girlfriend again. We have opened the doors of communication since our horrendous break up over a year ago. I felt that I needed to take time out of the relationship to find what I wanted for myself. In the 20 plus years, (even though I am close to 30), I have spent the last 14 years running from relationship to relationship. Even though, I am blessed to have dated some good women in my time, my ex is a rare type. She is what men call the "wifey" type. You know you have one of those gems that are rare. In your heart, you know she is ride or die, but you still have those childish urges that take away from the relationship. Consequently, I had to leave the relationship before I crumbled the building that we built together. As a result, over the last year I have learned a couple of things about myself that I will share with the world.

Lesson #1: Cheating is a byproduct of low self-esteem.

I have been very honest with the fact that I had a problem with infidelity. I cheated because for much of my life women validated me. My mom taught me self worth, my grandmother taught me persistence, and my sister taught me passion and unconditional love. How could someone else teach me the basic requirement of having a purpose? Thus, over the last two years, I searched and focused on these qualities. I involved myself with people and thoughts that helped to strengthen these qualities. Another thing I learned is that each relationship I was doing the same thing repeatedly. I know now that I can experience something new from everyone, but if you are not honest with your feelings and intentions, it makes it worthless.

Lesson #2: Learn to trust not (Everyone is trying to tear you apart)

There have been several times in my relationships I have destroyed the love; because I was too busy looking for the mistakes in the relationship rather than the good. I realize that I do not trust others, because honestly I do not even trust myself. There have been times when I knew something was going to be wrong for me and I still did it. I had done it for many different reasons, but nonetheless I still did it. Therefore, my way of facing my issue is placing that same burden on others. I see now that it was the wrong way to handle the situation, but sometime you only learn about the mistake after you had experienced it.

Lesson #3: Let her know that you love and appreciate her ALL THE TIME!

In one of my recent discussions, I realized how much I love and care for someone and put off telling them you care because you think they will be there tomorrow. The reality is that tomorrow is not guaranteed and you should show them that you love them every minute and second of everyday, because tomorrow is not promised. A lesson I learned from my grandfather…who still watches his boyJ

I can say that I learned these lessons from making mistakes. As I work to establish the healthy relationship that I have grown to miss, I know there are changes that I need to make. There is a chance that we may not be together, but I know that if I make myself a better man whomever God sees me with will get the best person possible. My equal at least deserves the best man, because I want the best out of her. I am truly thankful for everything because I am not one of the easiest people to deal with. However, if it is worth anything...at least I am honest...FINALLY

Successful Mindset

Discipline is the Foundation of Success

Blink

Sander van der Veen

HAPPINESS KEEPS YOU SWEET
TRIALS KEEP YOU STRONG
AND SORROWS KEEP YOU HUMAN
FAILURES KEEP YOU HUMBLE
SUCCESS KEEPS YOU GLOWING
BUT ONLY GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

boomp3.com

Another Day another...

ArtOffical images

Today was the day of enlightenment. The people who I thought were there for me are walking away. That feeling of abandonment is starting to set in, but I will not surcome to the feelings. I feel like a gladiator walking back to the holding cell after battle. “Since the last obstacle did not kill you, you have another day to prepare for the next battle.” Therefore, instead of feeling anger, animosity, or ill feelings, I renewed my marriage to the grind. Put that band back on my finger and got to work. On most days, I would work for 5 hours and spend the rest of the day meditating on positivity and success. For 25 years of my life, I was a pessimist...and for the last 3 years of my life, I have fought against that feeling. I found the only way to beat bad habits is to develop good ones. I am cultivating my newest one and I had my first ray of sunshine in a while. So as I end my day, I focus on the fact “I am fortunate enough to have my faith; it’s the hope that keeps me striving when I was exhausted miles back. “

Opportunity + Preparation = SUCCESS

Brutal Honesty

Ashlee Desire

For my birthday I wrote myself a letter and I was very serious with myself. I wanted to share this you young world, because we make mistakes and don't learn from them. It had taken a day like today for me to realize how much I needed to change. I have been working on me for quite a while. This blog is helping to me to make that change...one day at a time!

Happy Birthday to me...yesterday I was in a funk. Not because I have become 2* which is a great accomplishment (where I'm from)! But for the fact that I am still caught in the web: women. I deleted numbers galore and here comes another. Yeah I know I don't need to talk to them or entertain the energy, but for some weak reason I still do it. Is it me trying to prove something? Is it an insecurity? Is it just childish behavior? Either way it still affect 50% of the shit I do...sad to say. The other 50% is trying to make life better for my family. Since its my birthday I feel I need to get a couple of things off my chest. First, being 2* feels great. At 17 I was told that I wouldn't be shit (I was event expected to be in jail before my 18th birthday). I was so dedicated to change that I carved the word "PERFECT" in my arm because all I wanted to be is perfect. After years of successes and failures, I am feeling better about where I am, I know I still have far to go. God has made foot prints in the sand, and all I have to do is walk in them. Next, I wonder what the f*ck am I doing with these women? It's crazy to me...I can talk on the phone with one every single day and then tomorrow I could careless if I see or hear from her again. I wonder if it me being in competition with my dudes? Am I trying to prove something to myself? Am I a misogynists? I wondering about this a lot because I know that I am unhappy with the constant chase (of nu nu). Even more so, I'm tired of settling for less than I deserve. I have the best woman a man could have...she is smart, driven, beautiful, community center, family loving, supportive, and strong. I could see myself marrying her when I'm ready to get married. But I still have this demons that haunt my soul. I had a nightmare last night that she caught me with someone I could careless about. She and I have cried and promised and cried and promised and cried...and still I at it again. I really feel Me'shell NdegeOchello when she said "I have never been faithful to anyone except God." Cause I have been the same way. All of my relationship i have cheated. In most cases, I cheated when the relationship began to fall apart, but still I have cheated. I hope that my existence is not consumed by this one thing...I deserve more than that for myself. Lastly, this upcoming year. This year is going to be about achieving my dream. Financial freedom, and cutting back on all my addictions. I am closer to both. I know that I am outgrowing my old habits, but at times I feel like I am back to my old habits. The following things I need to incorporate in my life so that I could achieve greatness.
1. Consistency in everything (checking)
2. Exercise (check)
3. Save money (check)
4. Cut the fat- everyone is not your friend (checking)
5. Control yourself! It will be there tomorrow! (check)