Scared

"She said she loved me/I ran away/ Don't say you love me/I'll run away..."

- Me'shell NdegeOcello

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Now playing: Me'Shell NdegeOcello - Slaughter

The bottom of the top

When I first moved into my home, I was unprepared to deal with the challenges. No one told me that I would become the bread winner of my family. No one warned me of the poor decisions I will face. No one told me that I would go from the top to the bottom and now fight to get back to the top. No one said "it's gonna be rough, and you may hate the man you were, while still frustrated with the man you have become." In the past three years of my life, I have learned a lot about myself and the situations I have lived through. When I fell to the ground, I have spent minutes blaming everyone else for my fall. Spent hours wondering why God would do this to me. Spent days wiping myself off. Spent years, assessing my abrasions, and spent a life time trying to understand why I had to take theses tumbles. I know that I am working...even if it's from the bottom of the mountain I have to climb to reach the top. No matter what I will reach it...cause, I can't allow my present circumstance determine my outcome...it's only a moment in the story of life.

Forget Me Not

Hey World,

I have not forgotten about you, I have spent the last several weeks really finding that solid ground during shaky times. I have seen the days accumulating more struggles, more dreams, and more faith. In the matter of days, there have been moments when I could have lost the only who love me unconditionally. Everything I has existed on the brink of self-destruction without anyone having to raise a hand. So now, I am sitting here writing my pros and cons list again. The pros of happiness versus the cons of failure, and I need to make that decision that will forever affect the two. Prayer and faith are the only things that could bring a strong man through weak times.

Rev. 2009

When you are on the right track the wrong trains fall off. Don't be sadden by the lost of old friends. Be happy with the site of new and better ones. Life provides exactly what you need...both good and bad.

42 Things to Think About...

Here are the 42 principles of Ma'at. They are the principles in which Kemetic (Egyptian) people used as rules to govern themselves. I wonder at times what principles do people govern themselves with, and do they change as soon as things get rough. I know that I govern my spirit by my actions, and in this growth I will have my faith challenge...the key is to never loose it.

1. Not have I done wrong. (We choose our rights and wrongs. Just stay true to them.)
   
2. Not have I despoiled.
3. Not have I robbed.
4. Not have I slain men: twice.
   
5. Not have I defrauded the offerings.
6. Not have I diminished [oblations].
7. Not have I despoiled the things of the god.
8. Not have I spoken lies.
9. Not have I carried off food.
10. Not have I afflicted [any]
11. Not have I committed fornication.
12. Not have I made to weep.
13. Not have I eaten my heart.
14. Not have I transgressed.
15. Not have I acted deceitfully.
16. Not have I desolated ploughed lands.
17. Not have I been an eavesdropper.
18. Not have I set my mouth in motion [against any man].
19. Not have I raged except with a cause.
20. Not have I defiled the wife of a man.
21. Not have I defiled the husband of a woman.
22. Not have I polluted myself.
23. Not have I caused terror.
24. Not have I committed offense
25. Not have I inflamed myself with rage.
26. Not have I made deaf myself to the words of right and truth.
27. Not have I caused grief. (One of my greatest challenges)
    
28. Not have I acted insolently.
29. Not have I stirred up strife.
30. Not have I judged hastily.
31. Not have I been an eavesdropper.
32. Not have I multiplied my words upon words.
33. Not have I harmed, not have I done evil.
34. Not have I made curses of the king.
35. Not have I fouled water.
36. Not have I made haughty my voice.
37. Not have I have I cursed God. (Never...when you curse God, you curse yourself)
    
38. Not have I committed theft.
39. Not have I defrauded the offerings of the gods.
40. Not have I carried away offerings from the beatified ones.
41. Not have I carried off the food of the infant, not have I sinned against the god of the town.
42. Not have I slaughtered the cattle divine

Self Education

The one thing I learned from being a teacher is that the pursuit of knowledge can never end!
Listen and Learn

:)

Here I Come

I'm on a jet plane to DC. Going to experience one of the best feelings to come into my life. See a Black man become the President of the United States.

Grindaholic

Koi Fish

I redirected my energy more focused on my "new" relationship and goals that I set for myself this year. As I am spending more time to work on my dreams, I find that I have left some of the old people and habits I use to love. The mixture of long nights of drinking, days of smoking, and the people to fulfill the emptiness use to hide all the "doubts". I am sitting here in front of my computer on rainy night thinking about how much I have grown and how much I need to keep growing. Can't wait til I see the greatness come from within...but damn the ride to the top is hard and long. Gotta preserver!

Can I Live

HOV

This is my anthem...so I must share.

Yeah, hah, yeah Roc-A-Fella
We invite you to, somethin epic y'all know?
Well we hustle out of a sense of, hopelessness
Sort of a desperation
Through that desperation, we 'come addicted Sorta like the fiends we accustomed to servin
But we feel we have nothin to lose
so we offer you, well, we offer our lives, right
What do you bring to the table?

While I'm watchin every nigga watchin me closely
my shit is butter for the bread they wanna toast me
I keep my head, both of them where they supposed to be
Hoes'll get you sidetracked then clap from closed feet
I don't sleep
I'm tired, I feel wired like codeine, these days
a brother gotta admire from four fiends away
My pain wish it was quick to see, from sellin 'caine
til brains was fried to a fricassee, can't lie
At the time it never bothered me, at the bar
gettin my thug on properly,
my squad and me lack of respect for authority,
laughin hard Happy to be escapin poverty,
however brief
I know this game got valleys and peaks, expectation
for dips, four percent precipitation we stack chips, hardly
The youth I used to be, soon to see a mill'in
No more, Big Willie my game has grown prefer you call me William
Illin for revenues, Rayful Edmond like
Channel 7 news, round seven jewels, hand dead in the mic
Forgettin all I ever knew, convenient amnesia
I suggest you call my lawyer, I know the procedure
Lock my body can't trap my mind, easily
explain why we adapt to crime
I'd rather die enormous than live dormant that's how we on it
Live at the main event, I bet a trip to Maui on it
Presidential suites my residential for the weekend
Confidentially speakin in codes since I sense you peekin
The INXS rental, don't be fooled my game is mental
We both out of town dog, what you tryin to get into?
Viva, Las Vegas, see ya, later at the crap tables
meet me by the one that starts a G up
This way no fraud Willie's present gambling they re-up
And we can have a pleasant time, sippin margaritas
Ge-ge-geyeahhh, can I live?
Can I live?

My mind is infested, with sick thoughts that circle
like a Lexus, if driven wrong it's sure to hurt you
Dual level like duplexes, in unity, my crew and me
commit atrocities like we got immunity
You guessed it, manifest it in tangible goods
Platinum Rolexed it, we don't lease
we buy the whole care, as you should
My confederation, dead a nation, EXPLODE
on detonation, overload the mind of a said patient
When it balls to steam, it comes to it
we all fiends gotta do it, even righteous minds go through this
True this, history school us to spend our money foolish
Bond with jewelers and, watch for intruders
I stepped it up another level,
meditated like a Buddhist
Recruited lieutenants with ludicrous, dreams of gettin cream let's do this,
against T-D-S
So I keep one eye open like C-B-S
ya see me
stressed right? Can I live?
Can I live?
Can I live?
Can I live?

In the Mirror

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

- John Wooden

This is why I put the time and effort into change, because I want my character to be great. Forget what everyone else wants to do, my dreams are to make the world better by being better!

My CC around town

I'm loving her like I should! She makes me better so I have no reason to go anywhere else.

New Year's Resolution

Hong Kong New Year's Eve

While everyone I know is out partying, I'm in the house writing my New Year's Resolution. I wrote out my New Year's Resolutions because I wanted to give myself the opportunity to set goals for the incoming year, and to see what things that are still works in progress. I am writing my resolutions because in the end I am the only one who can hold me to my journey.

• Create a business that I love
• Establish a strong monogamous relationship
• Create $500,000 in passive income
• Read 12 books by 2010 (1/month)
• Develop spirituality
• Be in the best shape of my life.
• Complete 5 public speaking engagements
• Contact family more often
• Write more (blog, book, experiences)
• Create better routines and habits

Find my way

Banksy

I am walking in the direction of all the things that make me happy. Life is all about being happy. I wake up in the morning and feel no motivation to work. There is a recession outside and in my house; we are having the grand awakening. In the coming months I will be promoting some of the ventures that make me feel alive and happy. I know sharing my experience can be the inspiration for you to trust your talents and abilities. If I can motivate the world through a classroom, I can motivate myself through my actions and insight. I must lead by example to show the true power of positive living. This is my testament to the world. I know that sharing my soul will be the only ways I can leave a legacy that leave my name with honor and pride. Greatness is around the corner if I remain persistent, diligent, and passionate.