My Greatest Fear

Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head
You won't forget her

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind her tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

Fresh

I always feared that I would write and no one would care
Now I stand in my pool of thoughts wondering "how I got here"
Maybe it was the balance from my bad decisions
Maybe it was the reflection of every indiscretion
Maybe it was the way I explain how it's missing
I don't know, but within this is my greatest lesson
This blog could be called "A Man's Confessions"
Either way, I'm still living and cognizance (Peace)

Just Restart

I share the art that helps me thru the challenges of life. Hope they do the same for you.

See it All

This game you could never win
Cause they love you then they hate you then they love you again
Get away from me misery
Get away from me lonliness
Get away from me fake bitches, I can’t take the phoniness

I'm Yours

So True...

Mis(s)ing U

I wish I could send this letter to her
But I was suppose to move on from her
That was my mind in the old world
But I can't seem to let go of what unfurrel
She loved me when I was still finding
Caught me when I fell from climbing
Then when it was perfect timing
I left in one breath
Told her there was no one else
When in reality, I lost myself
Too busy looking for a warm place
To escape from a recluse mind state
How could I erase the memories
No more late calls after the drinking
Now it's long days of just thinking
But i can't change my past
But I can't just keep going and crash
Crashing into her in the streets
Not knowing how to speak
Not going to the peak
Because it's scary on top
It's hard to change when you have to stop
I can't keep going with her knowing
So in one poem, I share our moment

Winner's Winter

Since the last post what has trans past.
Couldn't mask that my young ass grew up
Dreams of my false reality just blew up
Now my lady has been found out
My son now knows what I'm about
The open hands and close mouth
Left me wondering about
When I said I was gonna change
Was I just saying all the same
More like I was ashamed
Too busy validating my actions
More like the lack there of
I can't act if I didn't do it
The misfits and laundry list of regrets
Makes me miss when I thought this was it
Full stomach, empty heart, I'm so sick
I can't call to apologize for the lies
However, I could have applied the whys
There are hints that this was gonna happen
I was starring in the show that I was acting
No supporters, No viewers, Talent lacking
Value can't come from just being attractive
But without action or passion, I'm just...

Free(dom)

I'm wrestling with the devil in the ring of life...

This song is so symbolic of my life, but I persevere cause that's what brings about the things I envision and imagine. Never stop fighting for happiness.

Eternia Mossburger

Wow...I gave Eternia and Moss a chance today, and experience a moment. I admit I thought the emcee was a little extra, but the beat, the emotion, and the 3rd verse. Thank You

Missing

I can relate!

aMAYzeS

I wrote you a love letter in the sands of time

With each grain making up each line

With the rain from the sky helping me to create the rhyme

My hands caressed sacred parts of the earth, again

We experienced numerous adventures with different indentured relationships

Finding ourselves reminiscing the mediocre shit

That we sometimes don’t want to admit we did

I’ve learned that life is worth nothing

If I can have something

That keeps my heart thumping and bump bump bumping

I’m attempting to taste one thing

God’s closest creation to perfection

And those perfect thighs keep my eyes chastised

I’m so erect that my shadow duplicates the Obelisk

Princess, I could smell and taste simotaneosly from your neck.

Drowning myself to death with your sweat

In that moment I catch myself moaning

As if I didn’t just have you this morning.

Your breath I’m inhaling

Your body continually ejaculating

My inhibitions I’m exhaling

All because I want to be the cure for all your aliments.

I just want to ride the tidal waves of those hips

Feel your heart beat through those lips

Experience everything beautiful and fruitful

From your toe nail polish to those cuticles

I’ve imagined 300 different positions and if you have one second to listen

We could talk about it,

Right after all this kissing

Please love, how I got you thinking different dialects

The things that get you in touch with your heritage.

Is it the perfect positions?

The ways I listen?

Or the way your body almost goes into submission?

Because it all started with just one poem

And it started like this…

Excuse me miss

What’s your name?

Can you come with me?

Possibly

Can I take you out tonight?

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Now playing: Jay Electronica - The Ghost of Christopher Wallace feat. Diddy

Dear God 2.0

Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you
Dear God, I see your face in all I do
Sometimes, it's so hard to believe it...
But God, I know you have your reasons

Wits of a Winner

They want me to admit defeat

More success is what they need
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

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Now playing: The Doors - The End

Recycling

The plan to transplant these thoughts to words is absurd

How you transfer 30 years to 16 bars, 3 verses, and the word

This is my time to transform the world I see by being just me

I don’t think that this Sweetie could be my Sweet Tea simply

Because she has a pearl white teeth, nice smile and cute feet

In the end that means nothing to me and the things I achieve

She might forget about me when I’m in a dire need for reprieve

Can’t figure that these pains can change, rearrange all these stains

When I see success I know that I must refrain from being drained

My time is coming and I’m constantly learning that bridge burning

Is ok, if they aren’t on the same side of tracks where you’re learning

In the land of the brave that can’t stand all the flames

I know I should refrain from telling the truth about this reality

They think they own me since they put me on this salary

No dollar amount can amount this freedom that mounts

I been to the water and all I found was more thirsty people

Looking for someone else to tell them that they’re equal

The American mind state breeds more of the feeble

I am an entrepreneur who lived in an emotional repo

Spent two night in this Regal staring at the steeple

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Now playing: Drake - 9AM in Dallas Freestyle

Fresh Face

The thought of being here without you is scary.

Thin coats of pain paint a life that feels so airy.

Mornings eyes in the mirror continually tearing

Still fixing my buttons after last night with Tahiry

It appears that we are much of the same

Same aim, same pain, same train, same claims

We don’t attempt to work through our problems

Keep letting the insolvent nonsense solve them

We are both the emotional victims of living

Still recovering from the last time we were giving

Need to take a minute and listen to my intuition

But when those legs are glistening, I’m forgetting

So sickening…

So freaking sickening…

So it’s all written in these poems that I'm scripting

Hoping these words are fixing all this bullshitting

No need to coat the words with lies that I hide

After all the different tries, still haven’t obliged

Funny how time flies when you’re sky high

Guess that’s when I’ll know if I arrived

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Now playing: Drake - - Drake - Go

The Growing Man

When you look motivation in the eyes, you can't do nothing but go harder.
Even while all you time may fly, you can still be the image of our father.

A Million in the Morning

The Journey of Love

Too many times I’ve been wrong
I guess being right takes too long
I’m done waiting, theres nothing left to do
But give all I have to you

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Now playing: Drake - - Find Your Love

Gotta Choose

So they lean on me to quit working so hard
Not seeing that I don't believe in the mirage
Laziness has never solved my problems
All these drugs are dependency revolving
So my thoughts become more insolvent
Mom crying "this is all so unfortunate."
Now as this room spin and the walls bend
I can hopefully find time for my friend
But she didn't have any money to lend
So I skipped hanging with her in the end
If I don't walk away from this edge
Then I could see further than this ledge

Keep Coming Back

So I leave, then I return...
Then I leave again, in hopes that I don't return
Now I here again with nowhere to turn

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Now playing: Cam'ron - Crime Pays (Intro) (Produced By Skitzo)

The Wake Up

Read back the thoughts and actions of my past
Wondering why I feel like I'm always in last
Maybe it's because I wouldn't let go of the pain
So here is my chance to make that real change
Can't refrain from mistakes but I can learn
This is more than just forgetting
It's seeing the problems and admitting
Can't stay the same forever
Got to start on this new endeavor

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Now playing: Robert Glasper - Of Dreams to Come

Surviving

When I left I thought thinks would change
I knew that if my thoughts were rearranged
Then I could achieve the dreams I frame
Instead I'm still falling part while I maintain
Is it the relationship that I CANT leave
Is it the fact that this is still not my true belief
Made decisions and now I have to live with them
Disconnected from the world, connect with children
Maybe it's because we both never want to listen
My autobiography is the motivation for fiction
Thought if I conquer more women then I was a man
Instead I'm still a slave to every memory I hold of them
I wish that I could change all this I have done
But when you subtract one from one; you have none
So I go on. Proud of everything I have become
The professor of all the actions I have done.

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Now playing: Miike Snow - Silvia

Burial

The tears stopped flowing down my face
I knew I was finally in the right place
I was no longer my own basket case
Pulled over to pull out this rat race
In these modern times, know you affect lives
To reach the top you must continue to climb
I was a image of my reality regardless if it hurt
Appreciated my purpose and self worth
Tired of being both the gift and curse
Found me a woman that I am faithful to
Found a reason to stop being so wasteful
I'm in shape to achieve something greater
In time I will find what, sooner than later
Everything that great; is built over time
When its my time, I hope that I'm just fine

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Now playing: Miike Snow - Silvia

The Watchers

The lesson that everyone has sponsored is so questionable
Read about the lie on the front of the Post in the Vestibule
I know that it's my time to transform into my greatness
Can't sleep every night, still dealing with being complacent
No enjoyment in the moment cause I'm too cautious
I have to win, since I wrote these thoughts flawless
In my younger years I feared that my peers would jeer
Now I don't care cause I already heard what they hear
Wipe away all the tears and move from here to there
The last thought is always "Why did I even care?"
Guess I deal with the same demons that were in the semen
Karma is the reason I can't past all the same actions repeating
This man and hand that wrote out "How to Achieve God's Plan"
Then never wrote the introduction cause I was too busy lusting
She still telling me that I need to change, but I see it as fussing
This is what I am, not just a belief, it's the reason I must be brief

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Now playing: Show You How To Hustle

Jewels in the Soup

Grew older and found more jewels in the thoughts of Jay Z.

Inspired by Basquiat. My chariots on fire.
Everybody took shots, hit my body up, I’m tired.
Build me up. break me down. to build me up again.
They like: “Hov we need you back so we can kill ya ass again”
Hov got flow, though he’s no Big and Pac, but he’s close.
How I’m supposed to win? They got me fighting ghosts…

~

Same sword the knight you, they gon’ “good night” you with.
(Shit) Thats only half if they like you.
That aint even the half what they might do.
Dont believe me ask Michael.
See Martin, see Malcolm.
You see Biggie, see Pac? see: success and its outcome.
See Jesus, see Judas. See Caesar, see Brutus.
See success is like suicide.
“Suicide it’s a suicide”
If you succeed, prepare to be crucified.
Media meddles, niggas sue you, you settle.
“Every step you take”, they remind you, you ghetto.
So its tough being Bobby Brown.
To be Bobby then, you gotta be Bobby now.
Now the question is: “Is to have had and lost
Better than not having at [all]?”

~

Everybody wanna be the King, then shots ring
You layin on your balcony with holes in your dream.
Or you Malcolm X’d out, get distracted by screams:
Everybody get your hand off my jeans.
Everybody look at you strange say you changed,
Like you work that hard to stay the same.
Game stays the same, the names change.
So its best for those to not overdose on being famous.
Most kings get driven so insane,
that they try to hit the same vein that Kurt Cobain did
??No dangers, so shameless??
Invited to the inter-sanctum of yo chambers
??Low chained em as the enemies approach??
So raise ya draw bridge and drown em in the moat
And the Spirit I’m evokin
**Mumbles**

~

Everybody screamin they want the old Hov,
But the new improved Hov hit like Albert Pujols.
Everybody wanna hear me talk that money like Phil Rizzuto,
But my mind is on Pluto.
Bills that I do fold, i now invest.
Tryna find some loopholes in the IRS.
As where I used to have a few hoes, I am just
concentratin on makin a new Hov through sex.
I’ve awaken just in time to school those putos
Tryna follow in my shoes with jewels froze.
Better adhere to this text ‘fore you go
broke, spendin more than you’ve accrued on silly baguettes.
I know silly but yet, silly, you learn on your own.
At least my conscience is clear, I’m no longer steering you wrong.
Aint nothing wrong with baguettes after you get a home.
Take care of your home, you can go back and…

The Corporate Take[over]….”

-S.Carter