Gotta Choose

So they lean on me to quit working so hard
Not seeing that I don't believe in the mirage
Laziness has never solved my problems
All these drugs are dependency revolving
So my thoughts become more insolvent
Mom crying "this is all so unfortunate."
Now as this room spin and the walls bend
I can hopefully find time for my friend
But she didn't have any money to lend
So I skipped hanging with her in the end
If I don't walk away from this edge
Then I could see further than this ledge

St8 No Chaser

It's 3 in the morning and I'm sitting here in front of the screen listening to the soundtrack to my life. At track one, you can hear my fear of trust blaring through the speakers. The biggest fear is the fear of myself. The fact that most of my life has been affect by my indecision. "Should I stay or should I go." For a person, who was so secure in my mental and physical appear, I forgot that in all this my soul is invested in every moment. Those long nights still stain my memories, the days of frustrations written my DNA, and the moment I stepped away from it scripted on my skin. "Believe, Love, and Trust" written across my chest as a constant reminder that the only way I will meet my goals is through believing in myself, loving myself, and trusting myself. The crazy thing is that I did all those things well already. The hard part was investing those same energies into someone else. Who could you believe in more than yourself? I know that I am capable of achieving greatness, but who could I grow with to reach those dreams? Then . someone to the love of the illusions I created for myself. When I use to find the perfect drug for the loneliest inhibitions that prevent me from reaching the next level of existence.

On December 31, 2009 I faced those fears. Stopped ignoring the big elephant that pants for more... First I wrote down my goals, cause I didn't trust myself enough to accomplishing anything unless it's in face. My mom's always said "that I wouldn't see it even if it was in front of my face." And I completed agreed. So instead of just leaving it on the walls, I tatted it across my chest. I knew the foundation of my change had to come from a want and need to be better.

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Now playing: Mr. Hudson - Straight No Chaser