She loves me...NOT?

Scout Tufankjian

I have recently begun talking to my ex-girlfriend again. We have opened the doors of communication since our horrendous break up over a year ago. I felt that I needed to take time out of the relationship to find what I wanted for myself. In the 20 plus years, (even though I am close to 30), I have spent the last 14 years running from relationship to relationship. Even though, I am blessed to have dated some good women in my time, my ex is a rare type. She is what men call the "wifey" type. You know you have one of those gems that are rare. In your heart, you know she is ride or die, but you still have those childish urges that take away from the relationship. Consequently, I had to leave the relationship before I crumbled the building that we built together. As a result, over the last year I have learned a couple of things about myself that I will share with the world.

Lesson #1: Cheating is a byproduct of low self-esteem.

I have been very honest with the fact that I had a problem with infidelity. I cheated because for much of my life women validated me. My mom taught me self worth, my grandmother taught me persistence, and my sister taught me passion and unconditional love. How could someone else teach me the basic requirement of having a purpose? Thus, over the last two years, I searched and focused on these qualities. I involved myself with people and thoughts that helped to strengthen these qualities. Another thing I learned is that each relationship I was doing the same thing repeatedly. I know now that I can experience something new from everyone, but if you are not honest with your feelings and intentions, it makes it worthless.

Lesson #2: Learn to trust not (Everyone is trying to tear you apart)

There have been several times in my relationships I have destroyed the love; because I was too busy looking for the mistakes in the relationship rather than the good. I realize that I do not trust others, because honestly I do not even trust myself. There have been times when I knew something was going to be wrong for me and I still did it. I had done it for many different reasons, but nonetheless I still did it. Therefore, my way of facing my issue is placing that same burden on others. I see now that it was the wrong way to handle the situation, but sometime you only learn about the mistake after you had experienced it.

Lesson #3: Let her know that you love and appreciate her ALL THE TIME!

In one of my recent discussions, I realized how much I love and care for someone and put off telling them you care because you think they will be there tomorrow. The reality is that tomorrow is not guaranteed and you should show them that you love them every minute and second of everyday, because tomorrow is not promised. A lesson I learned from my grandfather…who still watches his boyJ

I can say that I learned these lessons from making mistakes. As I work to establish the healthy relationship that I have grown to miss, I know there are changes that I need to make. There is a chance that we may not be together, but I know that if I make myself a better man whomever God sees me with will get the best person possible. My equal at least deserves the best man, because I want the best out of her. I am truly thankful for everything because I am not one of the easiest people to deal with. However, if it is worth anything...at least I am honest...FINALLY