Friday, January 30, 2009

Your Star*

Telena Jackson

I am writing this blog because it is my opportunity to share my life and thoughts with the world without the filter of everyone else. I say that sarcastically because I have let some of the closest people I know into the fact that I am writing this blog. Many of them do not say a word about what they read but some of them ask questions about why did I write that post or choose that song. I try my hardest to keep the blog on the blog, but I have found recently that I have gotten away from talking more so about where I am, and more about where I want to be. Although I think both are very important I feel the need to share my present reality with the world. A couple of post ago I wrote my new year’s resolutions and one of them is to have a monogamous relationship.

Now I am not in a relationship but I am talking and getting to know my ex-girlfriend, who I was not honest with in the past, again to see how we feel together. That situation is growing and developing every day, but there have seem to be some people that I have left who I feel are just as loyal and loving. Now I know that my girlfriend is trusting, loving and loyal. However, the challenge of being with one woman is hard. It is even harder because she lives over 500 miles away from me, and I am not trying to deal with multiple women. Over the last couple of years, I had dealt with as many women as Wilt in his high school years, but I have always felt a level of emptiness when I was dealing with multiple people. I cannot say that every night lying alone in my bed looking at my sealing feels great, but spending time alone and facing one of my greatest fears (loneliness) is making me into something else. I am struggling to get to that good place, but does greatness ever come easy…More to come.

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